I hit my goal … now I deleted Bumble!
Well, I hit my goal of going on three dates this year (✔️✔️ ✔️). I actually went on four (✔️✔️✔️✔️ — I’m a high achiever lol ya know).
You may be asking if I’ve found the love of my life. The answer is unfortunately NOT.
As mentioned in my last post, contrary to what I’d thought about online dating, I’ve met decent human beings and had very interesting conversations with them — about their lives, their job(s), hobbies, people around them and everything in between. I went on date with ZERO expectations and got home with TONS of learnings and thoughts about the dates and myself.
So, why did I delete the app?
Among many questions that I’ve been asked, one of the questions that hit me hard was, “How do you show love?” I was taken aback. For two minutes, I stayed silent and did not have a solid answer.
I know my love languages. In order, they are:
- Act of service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving gifts
Although knowing my love languages is important, in order to show love to someone, I need to understand their love languages and what makes them feel they are loved, trusted and appreciated. And also, the feelings have to be reciprocal. In a way, some of my love languages have to be in sync with them. It’s not all about me anymore. The spark can only stay for so long, and after that, it’s how we can be there for each other intimately and vulnerably.
For the past few days, I’ve been sitting with these questions, “How can I step into someone’s life, earn their trust and love them? How can I unpack ~30 years of someone’s life to feel them and to connect with them physically and emotionally? How can I be open, honest and vulnerable to them that helps them better understand me and connect with me?” And I don’t want to “go with the flow” or “just do it”. I’m at the age where I don’t want to waste my time and someone’s time.
These are huge questions that I don’t have answers to. So, I deleted the app to reflect on my dating experience and do some more readings about relationships. Relationships are 70% of our lives but funny enough, nobody talks nor teaches us about relationships and romantic relationships in general.
If you have any books, advice, thoughts, etc. on my questions, please share. Thank you!
